Sunday, June 26, 2011

About friendships...

A true friend is somebody who when you tell them you are going through a particular distracted and busy period of time, will accept this.  They might not fully understand, but they will accept that it is just life.  And they will show an interest - a real interest in how you are going. 

But instead a particular person seems to have taken offence that I have been incredibly busy.  Busy with Bianca's birthday party arrangements, busy with urgent information I needed to gather and finally after a month and a half we are so nearly there (but I can't go into detail on here, except that it has taken hours and hours and hours and weeks and weeks and weeks - phone calls, and emails, and follow ups and letters and some more phone calls and emails), busy with our business planning and the usual kids' things every day - school and sport and homework and house cleaning, laundry, dishes and for me this time of the year is always a bit more of an anxious time when we reach the anniversary of Bianca's leukemia diagnosis.  Where I feel a bit more anxious, more aware of the circumstances leading up to Bianca's diagnosis and the days following that. 

And in the back of your mind you are so aware of the symptoms and the signs that you can't help looking for it in every situation. "Hmmm, Caitlyn has a bit of a temperature - could it be?  Hmmm, Bianca has a few extra bruises...", and so on.  It is almost like turning out the lights and the room is pitch black dark and in that moment you can't even really see your hand in front of your eyes, and you make your way to your bed and you keep waiting for that moment that you will bump your toes against the bedframe and then when you reach your bed without bumping your foot, you give this huge sigh of relief. 

So along with dealing with the anniversary of Bianca's diagnosis and the other urgent tasks requiring my attention, I did not have an opportunity for a lot of visits.  But tonight - tonight I decided to make contact with a friend on Facebook again.  Okay granted, she's not a best or close friend and we have virtually nothing in common, but her little boy and Caitlyn sort of gets along (even when he sometimes ends up locking her in his room making Caitlyn cry and then refusing to apologise) but it is nice to sometimes catch up with her.  So I haven't been spending too much time on Facebook and a while back we've actually decided to limit the time we spend on there, and so usually I briefly go in, have a quick look at the status updates in the newsfeed, reply where I feel I had something to offer and then I would leave Facebook again.  Now this particular friend - I haven't seen any updates of hers in my newsfeed.  She's certainly made no recent contact and for me time has just run away at an incredibly fast rate.  Tonight I thought I would go and specifically check up on what she's been up to and look at invite them at some point for afternoon tea now that most of the urgent tasks are pretty much done and guess what? 

It seems we are 10 again and on the school ground (figuratively speaking, we weren't actually in the same school and she's quite a bit older than me) - she's taken offence to the fact that I have been busy (despite me letting her know about being really really busy with the urgent deadlines and the anxious time of Bianca's diagnosis).  She's now decided to "spite" me and blocked me from her Facebook wall.  Not "defriend" me which is weird because if you don't want to be my Facebook friend anymore, why don't you just "defriend" me?  Why block me from your wall only?  Is it that she wants to keep having access to my info to check up on me?  Or what?  Who knows.  But really, I thought we were both adults.  Oh well!

One thing is for sure, the friends I feel most comfortable with are the ones who have the same interests as me, the ones who accept things, who are not so insecure (or perhaps so self-centred) that they will take offence when you are going through a particularly busy time, that they will assume it is all about them, when in fact it is not at all about them.  When in fact it really has just been an incredibly busy time.

One thing I know is that I don't have the energy to play childish games.  Either you are my friend or you are not - end of story.

Thankfully I have quite few really good friends in my life - I certainly am very very blessed!


Johan said...

Hi Lea, just remember to fill up your life-jar with the big rocks first, and then the smaller ones, and so on. You know you've got the biggest ones in there already, so if the smaller ones don't [want to] fit it, don't worry about it! It is as you said - true friends don't act childish and it's the true friends you'd rather want to invest your emotions in.

Maa said...

Lea, Don't feel bad about putting your life and family first. They are your priority.
Just a thought. If this friend is important to you then why don't you call her and speak to her. I still can't get my head around the emailing, texting get in touch with a friend. I love to hear their voice occasionally. Is it getting too difficult for us to actually speak to someone now?

cat said...

Oh she is just being foolish and about 13 years old. Thanks for visiting me. I will pop in again.