Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Having A talk

Last night Bianca and I had A talk (not yet THE talk).  Not sure when we are supposed to have THE talk, but so far we've not really had any kind of real questions.  Like she knows babies grow inside mummies' tummies and only once did she ask "so how does the baby get out of the mummy's tummy?"  We were in the car driving to the city at the time and told her that we would discuss this when we got home.  We didn't really feel ready to go into all of that with a 4 year old present.  But Bianca didn't ask again, so we haven't discussed it yet.  It's a tricky one because 8 feels so young, but then she's growing up so fast even if we desperately want her to stay little.  Before we know it it will be boys and make-up and wanting to go to the mall with friends and buying fancy clothes and all things teenager...

But back to last night.

Bianca likes Justin Bieber.  She's liked him for a while now.  She really likes his music and so for her birthday last year we gave her one of his CDs and a poster for her wall.  And so the poster has been on her wall ever since we moved here.  Last night as I was about to go and switch off her light I noticed the poster was missing.  Asked her where it was and she said "I don't really want it on my wall anymore".  "Really?  Why not".  "I don't know, I just don't"  And so after pushing a little bit it came out - her friends who sometimes come and visit said that Justin Bieber is gay. Sigh!  So here it starts.  The way friends can influence your decisions...

I explained that Justin Bieber has a girlfriend.  And Bianca said "yes he does".  And then I explained that that means he can't be gay because if he was gay he would have a boyfriend.  Not a girlfriend.  And that whatever his decisions - whether he was gay or not, it really didn't matter.  What mattered was that Bianca likes him and likes his music and that it didn't matter what her friends thought.  We then discussed how we can't judge others and how sometimes people might choose things or like things that are different than what we choose or like but it didn't matter because what mattered was that we like the person.  I then explained that she really likes her teacher's songs.  But other than that we really don't know that much about him.  But that didn't change the fact that she likes her teacher and that she likes his songs... 

I really don't think her friends fully understand what "gay" means.  Which is not surprising considering they are only 7 and it just shows how kids hear things from adults and don't always put it in the right context and then could potentially use it in a way that is not very respectful and potentially hurtful.  But it is tricky because no doubt Bianca will hear things and unless she tells me about it I won't know and I won't know if she understands the context of whatever is said or able to realise the context might be wrong.  I certainly don't want her to judge others or to use phrases to - I guess one might say - insult others.  Sigh! Parenting is hard!

3 comments:

grazesandgroanswithlifesspillsandthrills said...

Parenting is most definitely not for sissies :)

Marcia (123 blog) said...

oh my gosh - so young.

Sad, isn't it how they are so advanced at such young ages.

I do love how you approached this and your answers.

PS thanks for all your lovely comments on my blog!

MelB said...

Well done! Peer pressure starts so very young. I think you handled this very well.