Please bear with me today...

Today is slightly hard for me.  Not much, but slightly.  You know how you just instantly know what event (like a birthday) happens on which date, you don't have to look at a calendar to figure it out, well this is what this time of the year is like for me.  I instantly remember when I see the date.  Today is the date where everything started going wrong in 2007.  The day started off great.  We had plans.  On the 31st of May we noticed the big swollen lump underneath Bianca's hair at the back of her head and thought we'd keep an eye on it.  She had tonsillitis and antibiotics earlier in the month and we figured it must just be that it didn't fully work.  So on this morning in 2007 (which was also a Saturday) Bianca and Terence left for Kenepuru so she could be checked out and maybe get some more antibiotics.  Then as soon as they came back we would go off and do stuff.  Before not too long they came back.  I remember I was in the kitchen doing dishes and I turned around looking at Terence and saying "so what did the doctor say?"  I expected him to say "nothing major", but instead he said "we have to go to Wellington Hospital where they have a paediatrician".  I remember thinking how annoying it was and that I hope they would just be really quick. 

I waited.  And waited.  And waited.  And finally when I was sure that surely by then they must have been almost on their way back, I called Terence who told me that Bianca needed a blood test. 


I think it is at this point where I suddenly wondered what was going on. Suddenly realised that maybe things were not as simple as I thought.  I didn't really know what to think, but the waiting was killing me just sitting there waiting for news.  Watching the clock slowly ticking by.  Not knowing what was going on was driving me insane.

Much later I got a call from Terence that they were not sure what was up but that Bianca needed a blood transfusion as she had low platelets and low red blood cells and that she would have to be admitted over the long weekend so they could do more tests on the Tuesday.  I remember asking why she had to stay the whole weekend and why she couldn't just come home and we would take her back on the Tuesday.  But no, the decision was that she would have to stay. 

Waiting at the hospital

Waiting for the Emla cream (that numbs the skin) to work in preparation for her very first blood transfusion.  Look how pale she was!

Admitted.

The unknown was driving me completely insane and so I searched Google for some answers. What did it mean to have low platelets and low red blood cells? All I remember is there were so many results for Leukemia.  A few other possibilities too, but I just sat there and felt the panic fill my chest.  I remember desperately emailing people asking them to please just pray that whatever was up with Bianca turned out nothing.  I remember praying so hard that whatever it was was treatable and could be cured.  It became a really long night.  I paced up and down and of course had to still take care of Caitlyn who was only about 3 months old at the time.  

Finally around 10pm Terence was able to come and get me so he could get a few things for them (because of course we were not prepared for an admission) and I had to go drop him off so that I wouldn't be completely without a car. Seeing Bianca there in the big hospital bed - she looked so small.  She was so small!

It seems so long ago now.  How unprepared we were.