A rambling post.

Last night I meant to blog.  I really did.  I made myself comfortable in front of my laptop, opened up blogger to start a new post, fingers on the keyboard and then... nothing.  Writer's block big time!  And so I waited.  And waited.  And finally had to give up because nothing was happening.

So now I'm here trying again.  Might just end up a bunch of rambles, but hey, let's see how it goes.

As I'm sitting here staring out the window (yes, I can do touch typing so can look out the window while I'm typing :-) ) it is cold and rainy outside.  A real grey day that kind of matches the reflective mood I'm feeling today.  Bianca has netball a bit later (and it is my turn to take her) so we'll probably get a bit wet.  And cold.  Oh the joys of winter and winter sport.

I stumbled upon this Youtube clip and I really liked it:

Marcia was writing about how she likes to match-make people (click here). If she thinks that 2 people would get along really well then she works to try and get them to meet up.  I have to be honest that I don't like it when people do this with me.  They might mean well, but I am rather reserved a lot of the time and a few times this happened it kind of backfired on me and it left me struggling to trust (not just them, but also myself).  Perhaps because not all that many people truly get me.  It kind of made me think that even when we know people all our lives people don't always really know somebody, the person they are behind the smile, behind the walls people often put up to protect themselves.  So often people have certain expectations.  They expect you to fit the image they have in their mind, that you need to be what they want you to be, that it doesn't matter what you might want. And sometimes you fall short.  It can be hard to live up to that - to the expectations others have of you.  And because it is easier, sometimes it seems better to shift what you want away, to push it aside and unfortunately you sometimes risk losing yourself in the process.  And the longer you go, the harder it can be to find yourself again.


But in saying this I have made some wonderful connections over time.  Sure I might not have a lot of friends (sometimes people think you need to have a large group of friends for the sake of simply having people around you all of the time), but the people I have in my life, the ones who are allowing me to be just me mean the world to me.

Love me
For who I am
Behind my smile
And the walls around my heart
With my ups and my downs
With my quiet and my laugh
I am me
Even if you might not agree
Even when I am different
I am still me
The one who stands
And sometimes falls
Who tries her best
But sometimes fails
I am me
It's all I know
It's all that I can be

Okay, enough rambling now.  What are you up to this weekend?