Thursday, June 14, 2012

What if?

Recently Blackhuff wrote about "what-ifs" and how it affects her and wanted to know how others thought about this (click here).

I have to be honest that most of the time I don't really think about "what-ifs".  Some of what I've been through has taught me that there is no point in thinking and worrying about "what-ifs", that I simply have to trust myself enough.  That you can't control the future, you can only base your decisions on what you know now. 

One of the biggest risks we ever took was moving from South Africa to New Zealand.  If I allowed the "what-ifs" to take over we would never had made the move.  We simply had to trust that we knew enough and that we wanted it enough to make it happen.  I'm a firm believer that if you want something bad enough then you can make it happen.  Sure there were many "what-ifs" we could have focused on but what would have been the point?  We did a lot of research so we had a good idea of what to expect and we simply had to trust ourselves.

Bianca's illness was 830 days of forcing myself not to think about the "what-ifs".  Especially in the beginning those "what ifs" kept popping into my mind as I struggled with the realisation that she might very well die, that if we waited just 3 months longer she probably would have died, and throughout her treatment so many kids who relapsed and died and constantly wondering if the treatment was doing what it was meant to do.  830 days of teaching myself that there was no point in allowing the "what-ifs" to take over as it was driving me insane and leaving me utterly exhausted.  I simply had to focus on now.  That was what we were sure of.  I had to trust that the decisions we made were the right ones and at times we did not have the luxury of time to take our time making decisions.  So you jump and swim and trust and hope for the best. 

I think sometimes we don't give ourselves enough credit and we don't always believe that we are capable of making good decisions so we allow the "what-ifs" to hold us back because we are scared of what might lie ahead.  But all that really happens is that you end up looking back realising just how much time and energy you wasted in the process.

What if just for once you took a chance, trust yourself and simply believe?


Don't unplug your hub. said...

I think what it all boils down to is that we should trust our instincts. Most of the time they are a pretty good indicator of which way to turn.
A good post Lea.

blackhuff said...

I like that you have written a post on my topic and thank you for referring to my blog.
It makes me think that I should really stop thinking about the "what if's" due to the points you make here. That this kind of thinking, will hold me back. Thanks Lea :)

RosemaryO said...

I totally understand the "what ifs" way of thinking. Even today after Matthew is off treatment for 18 months, when he goes for his clinic visit those thoughts do resurface.
But you are so correct in your saying that it is just such a waste of time thinking and worrying about things you have no control over. A lesson learned through Leukemia.
I agree with you completely.
Good post today, Lea

cat said...

So very true!

affectionforfitness said...

Hi Lea! I think the last two paragraphs of your post are so wise. I've wasted much of my time and energy worrying about things that never happened--otherwise called "dying a thousand deaths." Things usually turn out better than we expect.

:-) Marion

Paul said...

A great post, Lea! You talked to me loud and clear. I agree with John's comment to trust your instincts as they are usually right. You need to make decisions based on what your heart tells you! Thanks for reminding me about not worrying about the future what ifs!

Ellie said...

I think it pays to take one day at a time. Who knows what tomorrow holds for us.
Your post made for interesting reading Lea, certainly made me think.