Friday, September 23, 2011

Just the way it is for us...

Thank you for all the messages yesterday.  Thankfully Bianca was much much better today.  I knew that it was likely just some or the other bug she was fighting, but the cancer parent in me questioned why she was suddenly so lethargic.  And sadly that's the way it is.  We lost the innocence we had such a long time ago.  The time where a cold was really just a cold or your child was just having an off day. 
The day we found out Bianca's tonsillitis was more than just tonsillitis (much much more) was the day we became "those" parents.  Those paranoid, neurotic ones always questioning, always wondering, always assuming it is not as simple and straight forward as a cold. 

For most of the time I am doing really well.  I mostly refuse to give in to the "what ifs".  I mostly refuse to get all stressed out until I really have to stress.  But last night was different for me and I did what I really should not have done, I consulted "trusty" friend Google. 

Blood tests have become the thing we rely on the most.  It tells us if Bianca is doing well.  It will tell us if we need to worry.  And sometimes the 2 months between hospital visits (and soon 3 months) can feel quite long. It is times like these that it really did feel safe when Bianca was still on treatment and very regularly monitored.

This is life for us and will be for a very long time to come still and today I am once again reminded to be grateful that Bianca is indeed doing really well.  That her last blood test results were normal, that she is no different to any other 8 year old.


blackhuff said...

Hugs my friend.

Sarah said...

Soooo glad to hear she's better Lea.

It's better to be cautious and it be nothing to worry about than to gloss over it and wish you'd got it checked earlier.

Kids (and adults) are living after this disease, it's long term effects on the individual and family are becoming increasingly recognised, the more we share, the more we all learn...I admire people like yourself who are willing to share their journey as it helps so many others.

It is still early days, know it gets a little easier as time goes on. :) xx

Paul said...

You have 2 wonderful daughters, Lea. I feel a bit guilty burdening you with my problems as they are minimal compared to the challenges both you and Bianca have faced together. Thanks for finding the time to listen and help me.

Linn said...

As time passes I am sure that you will relax a little more. Thankyou for sharing your story.

Hayley said...

Glad she is well xxxx

Susan said...

It's so understandable how you might jump to conclusions.
You're doing an incredible job.
So glad she's feeling much better today.

RosemaryO said...

I don't think the fear ever leaves. And I agree that you have done a great job with Bianca and your family dealing with this reality. Glad to hear she is feeling better. You do have so much to be thankful for (we do too)

Julia said...

Completely understandable how your mind can go to places that you would prefer it not to go to.