Thursday, September 15, 2011


This week 26 years ago (is it that long already?) my dad committed suicide.  It was about a week before my 9th birthday.  I remember my mum came home late on that Monday night when she came to tell my brother and I that there was an accident and that my dad passed away.  And yes for a while in my life I did wonder why he would choose to do something like this.  And yes there are times that I wonder what it would have been like if he chose to live, the relationship that he possibly would have had with my girls and so on.  But I must be honest for a very long time now I have stopped wondering why.  The truth is we will never know what went through his mind on that day.  There is no point in driving myself crazy wondering about things I simply will never know. 

A blogging buddy wrote that it is national suicide awareness day in Australia and so it is a good time for me to say:

Hang in there!  Even when things feel incredibly tough.  Even when it feels you have nowhere to turn.  Find somebody to chat to, find a support group.  There are many who love you and care about you.  Don't choose to take your own life.  It is devastating for those left behind.  They want to share today, tomorrow and every day with you.  Nothing can be so bad that you have to take your own life!  Hang in there!


LatteJunkie said...

I was 19 when I found out my father had committed suicide by gassing himself. I hadn't seen nor heard from him in 12 years but it was still a shock. I was angry. I was angry for the two little kids, he had left fatherless. I was angry because he had cut off all chances of a reconicilliation

Thank you for sharing your story and making me a little braver to share mine...

Sharon said...

It's been 24 years since my Aunt committed suicide and 5 years since I attempted suicide.
Life is precious!

Paul Forster said...

I'm sorry that you didn't get more time with your father. I have had desperate times myself though not for a long time. Thankfully I have been fortunate to have loved ones around to support me when I sought help from them. You're right that those left behind have to pick up the pieces with a sense of great loss and what ifs.

Marcia (123 blog) said...

Sorry to hear this, Lea.

And on your other post, when is your birthday? Plan something fun - maybe it will cheer you up and make your ___ things list :)

Lea White said...

Thank you everybody!

LatteJunkie - Wow, that's a long time not hearing from your dad and then to suddenly hear that he killed himself!

Sharon - hugs to you too! I'm so glad that you are here to enjoy your little miracle!

Paul - it is wonderful that you were able to rely on your loved ones for support and I admire you that you were able / prepared to ask for help when you needed it.

Marcia my birthday is next week on the 21st. You are right I should make that list!

blackhuff said...

I am sorry to hear that you needed to grow up without a father. Hugs

RosemaryO said...

Sorry to hear about your father. It is so hard to comprehend, but for the survivors it must be hell.
Some how your strength and spirit have carried you through and it sounds as if you have come to terms with it.
Sorry for the sadness today.

Anonymous said...

Wow, Lea, I never knew. I am so sorry that you have had most of your life without a Dad and your girls without a Grandad.

L said...

Hi Lea, I've read your blog for quite a while just haven't commented because I didn't have a Google account/blog until now. I just want to say that I think that the journey you've been on with Bianca is really inspiring. She is such a brave and special girl!

Sorry to hear you lost your dad in this way. I know first hand the effects that suicide can have on people. Suicide and depression awareness is so important and the government/media "hush hush" approach doesn't help anyone.

Buttons said...

Oh I am so sorry to hear that. My half sister committed suicide 6 years ago, I thought she was happy and had a great life. You are right we never know. Take care. B