Wednesday, May 30, 2012

5 years in 5 days...

and so the end of May approaches very fast with only 1 more day left.  To my surprise I wasn't as anxious as I thought I would normally be in May.  Although I did glance at Caitlyn's legs this evening in the bath wondering why she had bruises.  I know they are in all likelihood just from playing, but it is an automatic reaction questioning things like that.  I don't think it will ever change.

In some respects it is hard to believe that in 5 days it will be 5 years since Bianca was diagnosed.  Can it be 5 years already?  It seems a bit unreal at the moment.  Although at times the memories are vividly clear.  Sometimes I look at her photos where she had no hair and it doesn't seem that it was really part of our lives.

Of course other times it hits me right in the face, but I look at her now and think, wow, what a long way we've all come.

Sometimes I wonder how we were strong enough to just keep standing, but I suppose a person is always strong when they need to be even when they don't feel all that strong.  We didn't really have a choice.  It was the only option available to us.

9 comments:

theclam said...

I don't think it'll ever leave you Lea. Yes the scars will be covered and you'll be less than you were while you were in it, but looking at bruises etc will always bring it back. I think infertility is much like this, yes your heart heals and you move forward but something brings it back to you...

xxx

Sue W @ Living the Good Life said...

People have a great capacity for being strong, some don't of course and walk away but for those that stay can appreciate the rewards at the end. Does Bianca think about it all much like you?

Lea said...

Five years!
What a wonderful milestone to celebrate!
So many children are not alive five years after diagnosis.
Best wishes to her for a long, healthy, happy life!
Lea
Lea's Menagerie

blackhuff said...

Time sure does fly. It's a great milestone to celebrate :)

Paul said...

Well done getting through May. You are indeed a strong person! I am so pleased that Bianca is such a vibrant and happy girl!

cat said...

5 years! Wow! Well done on you all.

Buttons said...

Wow five years is a great thing,too bad your scary memories will stay with you but look at your strong family now you all made it through.. Bianca and you are so strong and everything is alright now.I admire all your strength. Yeah Bianca B

amanda said...

Baie liefde vir jul viertjies. So trots op julle. ma xxxx

Sarah said...

Lea, we have little choice but to keep standing at the time...and we will continue to do so now...it's how it works, your mind has the time and space to process things more now...but you'll get there with it feeling less intense :)

With younger kids, it's often hardest for you as parents as we don't fully understand the extent of what we experienced until much later, and even then it's different...we're often more accepting because that's what you do as a kid, whatever your parents tell you is needed!! Programs such as BOC help enormously here with helping the child adjust.

I think parents should get BOC!!... allow yourself to acknowledge the impact but turn it on its head and celebrate every day you have now :) easier said than done sometimes I know!

Keep channelling that energy into your various efforts for others on a similar path for as long as it helps you...and remember, you have to climb the mountain to see the view...and rarely do you climb a mountain without a team x