Sunday, October 30, 2011

Today didn't really go as we planned...

I have to say it is rather hilarious when your 4 year old tells a joke and she gets it all wrong.

Caitlyn: "Knock knock"
Terence: "Who's there?"
Caitlyn: "Salad"
Terence:  "Salad who?"
Caitlyn:  "Salad it's freezing out here"

Of course it actually goes "knock knock, who's there?, lettuce, lettuce who? lettuce in it's cold out here".

Other than Bianca's cheerleading showcase, we didn't have any plans today.   Or rather I should say Terence really wanted to go to the book fair again this morning.  But instead we were going through the  phone book in search of a vet that was open.  Yes, poor Looey's leg was still rather sore and she was still not putting any weight on it.  We didn't have many options available to us and most vets were closed today.  So we had an option to travel an hour into the city, an hour to Lower Hutt or to one that was in Paremata about 35 minutes away.  So Paremata it was.

Looey was so not impressed to be inside the SPCA carrier box and it brought back vivid memories the time my mum moved from her house 300km away and we had travel with her 2 cats.  We didn't have a cat carrier at the time and the only thing the local pet shop had that morning was a bird cage.  Not ideal, not pleasant, two very agitated cats and the longest 300km I ever experienced. 

Not impressed to be in the carrier box...

At the vet the kids were absolutely fascinated with all the bits and pieces.

I was really surprised that Looey was relatively calm at the vet.  Usually she runs away when she sees other people (other than us that would be), but absolutely no struggle from her today.

It would seem that her one leg is definitely swollen, but not broken and the vet suspects a cat bite.  So 1 anti-inflammatory and pain relief injection, a set of antibiotic tablets, instructions from the vet on how to give the cat the pills and $104 later we went home.

Tonight we'll have to see if giving Looey her evening tablet will be as simple and straight-forward as the vet showed us or whether it will be a scene similar to this:
HOW TO GIVE A CAT A PILL (click here for source):
Pick the cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill in. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat again in left arm and repeat process.

Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm while holding back paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut to the count of ten.

Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from the top of wardrobe.

Call spouse from garden. 

Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, holding front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand, while forcing wooden ruler into mouth with the other. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make a note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with ear just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil, insert end of straw and BLOW.

Check label to make sure pill is not harmful to humans and drink a beer to take away the taste. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

Retrieve cat from neighbour's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck just leaving head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with rubber band.

Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of Scotch. Pour a shot and drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for last date of tetanus shot. Bathe cheek with whiskey to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw bloody, torn t-shirt away and fetch another from bedroom. Then call fire department to retrieve the freaking cat from the tree across the street.

Apologise to neighbour who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat.

Take last pill from foil wrap. Tie the little so and so's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table. Get heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth, followed by a large piece of steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour two liters of water down throat to wash pill down.

Consume remainder of Scotch. Get spouse to drive you to emergency room. Sit quietly while doctor stitches your fingers and forearm, and removes remnants of pill from your eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.

Arrange for pound to collect "mutant cat from hell", and call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.

Wrap it in bacon.

Wish us luck...

This afternoon Bianca had her cheerleading showcase.  It is effectively a practise run for the competition next weekend.  Unfortunately Bianca's uniform hasn't arrived yet, but will be here early in the coming week.  Their routine is so cute! 

What did you get up to today?


Jess said...

Haha that how to give a cat a pill sounds pretty similar to worming my cat (who lives with mum). Hope you had better luck. And I have to say wow that cheerleading move Bianca is doing in the photo is awesome - it looks really difficult! Good luck for her for next week's comp

Dmarie said...

*chuckle* ditch the bloody t and bring out the booze...good advice!! :-D

RosemaryO said...

Haha ! That is really funny. Too bad that the vet can't get that antibiotic in liquid form (like we do for children). But I must say it is funny!
Good luck with it.

Buttons said...

Very funny I tried to give a cat a pill once it was horrible they are very smart.
Bianca looks very much like a cheerleader.
Great weather here My Hero on the barn roof again. yikes. B

Kevin and Ruth said...

Been there done that with a cat. Just not fun. I thought your description was halarious (not for you I am sure), I was laughing so hard I had tears coming out my eyes. I just kept thinking of when we had to to this to our cat. I never wanted to do to that again and never have.

Kevin and Ruth

Paul Forster said...

Animals are expensive to get treated. Impressed with Bianca's flexibility. I think my cheerleading days are well and truly over